How to conduct sexual exploration with sex toys

Conducting sexual exploration with sex toys can be a wonderful way to learn about your body, enhance pleasure, and add variety to your sex life, whether you’re solo or with a partner. The key is to approach it with curiosity, safety, and communication.

Here is a comprehensive guide on how to conduct this exploration thoughtfully and safely.

Phase 1: The Foundation – Mindset and Preparation

Before you even buy a toy, your mindset is the most important tool.

1. Embrace Curiosity, Not Pressure: Frame this as a journey of discovery, not a performance. There’s no “right” way to feel pleasure. The goal is to learn what you enjoy.

2. Practice Self-Acceptance: It’s normal to feel a little shy or even awkward at first. Be kind to yourself. Exploring your sexuality is a healthy, normal part of life.

3. Prioritize Safety and Hygiene: This is non-negotiable. We’ll cover the details below, but it starts with buying body-safe materials and keeping everything clean.

Phase 2: Getting Started – Choosing Your First Toy

The array of options can be overwhelming. Start simple.

A. Identify Your Goal

What kind of sensation are you curious about?

1. External Clitoral Stimulation: The vast majority of people with vulvas need direct or indirect clitoral stimulation to orgasm. This is the best place to start.

2. Internal (Vaginal) Stimulation: Exploring G-spot or general internal sensations.

3. Internal (Anal) Stimulation: Important: Toys for anal play must have a flared base to prevent them from getting lost inside the body.

4. General Sensation & Teasing: For all genders, to explore erogenous zones.

B. Types of Starter Toys

• For External/Clitoral Focus:

  • Bullet Vibrator: Small, discreet, precise. Perfect for pinpoint clitoral stimulation.

  • Wand Massager: Powerful, broad vibrations. Great for those who need strong stimulation or enjoy having the vulva covered.

• For Internal/Vaginal Focus:

  • G-Spot Vibrator: Has a curved tip designed to target the G-spot. Can also be used externally on the clitoris.

  • Simple Dildo: No vibrations, just for the feeling of fullness and thrusting. Choose a small, smooth, body-safe silicone one to start.

• For Anal Focus (Beginners):

  • Anal Training Set: Typically includes 3-4 progressively sized plugs to gently get your body accustomed to the sensation.

  • Anal Plug with Flared Base: A small plug designed to be worn for extended periods to enhance other sexual activities.

C. Material Matters: Body-Safe is Best

Avoid jelly, PVC, or “novelty” materials. They are porous and can harbor bacteria.

• • Silicone: The gold standard. Non-porous, easy to clean, and feels great.

  • Glass or Metal: Smooth, firm, and can be warmed or cooled for temperature play. Ensure it’s from a reputable brand.

  • ABS Plastic: Hard, non-porous plastic. Often used for bullet vibrators.

Phase 3: The Exploration Process – A Step-by-Step Guide

For Solo Exploration:

1. Set the Scene: Create a relaxing, private environment. Dim the lights, put on some music, and ensure you won’t be interrupted.

2. Start Without the Toy: Begin with your own hands. Touch your body, explore what feels good. This builds arousal and gives you a baseline.

3. Lube is Your Best Friend: Even if you don’t think you need it, use it. It reduces friction, increases sensation, and makes everything more comfortable. Use water-based or silicone-based lube with silicone toys (silicone lube can degrade silicone toys; check the manufacturer’s instructions).

4. Start on a Low Setting: Place the toy on your body away from your genitals first—like your thigh or stomach—to get used to the sensation and sound.

5. Explore Sensations: Gently guide the toy around your vulva, perineum, and other erogenous zones. Don’t go straight for the most sensitive spot. Tease. Try different vibration patterns and pressure levels.

6. Listen to Your Body: If something feels uncomfortable or “numb,” stop, change the setting, or move the toy. This is about pleasure, not endurance.

7. Clean Up: Clean your toy with warm water and soap or a dedicated toy cleaner immediately after use.

For Exploration with a Partner:

All the steps above apply, plus these critical additions:

1. Communicate First, Not During: Have a conversation about trying toys outside of a sexual context. “I’ve been curious about trying a toy together, what do you think?” Frame it as something to enhance your shared pleasure, not replace anyone.
2. Choose a Toy Together: Make the selection process part of the fun. Browse websites or go to a shop together.
3. Establish Clear Consent and Boundaries: Discuss what you’re both comfortable trying. A “yes” to one toy is not a “yes” to everything.
4. Incorporate it Slowly: Don’t make the toy the main event right away. Start with your usual foreplay and introduce the toy as an extension of that.
5. Focus on Shared Pleasure: Use a vibrator on her clitoris during penetration. Use a vibrating cock ring to provide sensations for both partners. Let your partner hold the toy and control the sensations on you.
6. Keep Talking: “Does that feel good?” “Softer?” “More to the left?” This feedback loop is essential for a positive experience.

Phase 4: Safety and Hygiene (The Non-Negotiables)

• Cleaning: Clean your toy before and after every use.
• Silicone, Glass, Metal: Use warm water and antibacterial soap or a dedicated toy cleaner. Some can be boiled (check manufacturer’s instructions).
• ABS Plastic: Wipe down with a cloth dampened with soapy water or a 70% isopropyl alcohol solution.

Final Thoughts

Sexual exploration is a personal journey. There will be discoveries you love and some that you don’t—and that’s perfectly okay. The process itself is the reward. Be patient, be safe, be communicative, and most importantly, be open to the new layers of pleasure and intimacy you can unlock.

Enjoy the journey of discovery